Here are some of the very important things you need to consider in a relationship, when you are trying to listen.
Key Takeaways:
Reflective listening means summarizing what you heard without adding your own perspective, defense, or explanation
Aggressive communication patterns (pointing, demanding "OK" responses, interrupting) undermine respect and prevent resolution
Incongruent affect (laughing during serious discussions) is often a coping mechanism for fear and mistrust, and it is not a sign of disrespect
Focus on ONE issue at a time rather than bringing up multiple grievances simultaneously
There is a time to listen and a time to defend yourself - trying to do both at once creates confusion
Physical connection (holding hands) can help de-escalate emotional activation, if both parties agree that it is calming and acceptable
If both parties want to be able to correct the other and receive the correction, both partners must give each other permission to acknowledge and/or redirect problematic communication patterns
Trust rebuilds gradually through consistent practice of new communication skills
Past communication failures can make it hard to trust current positive changes, but acknowledging this fear is important
Treating your spouse/partner/friend/person with respect means decreasing and/or eliminating the use of aggressive verbal and nonverbal communication